Six Random Things

So my dear friend and fellow blogger, Katie (Zombie Lace), tagged me in a post a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm reluctantly partaking in her exercise. I say reluctantly because I'm not a fan of these little "get to know me" exercises. They plague the social networking Web sites, such as MySpace and Facebook, where girls post bulletins all day with subjects like "25 things about my number 2" or "I should be working right now" or "I'm an attention whore," and now they seem to be plaguing the blogsphere. What is this, Live Journal?

Now, as much as I might hate these exercises, I love my dear friend Katie, and, much as I hate to admit it, I enjoyed her post. I actually thought I could have fun with it. So here it is:

Six random things about me:


1. Vasectomy

Yes, in 2007 I got a vasectomy. "Why?" you ask. Because kids suck. Literally, they will suck the milk out of your tit and then grow up and suck the soul out of your body. I know because I did it to my mom.


2. Jail

I've been to jail, multiple times. Always for something stupid.

I hesitated mentioning the fact that I've been to jail because potential employers might read my blog, but chances are, they are going to perform a background check on me anyway.

Here's the best part: I've never been convicted of a crime. I've always got off because: 1. I'm smart, and 2. Cops are stupid.

And by no means am I bragging. I'm not hardcore or a thug. As I said earlier, I went to jail for stupid stuff I did as a teenager. I'm a good boy now.

Now, if you want to know why I went to jail, I'll let you spend $15 to look up my criminal background.


3. Third Nipple

Well, it's not really a nipple, but I do have a bump in the middle of my chest that I call a nipple.


4. Virginity

I lost my virginity when I was 20 - because I'm a player! Actually, I'm one of the few guys who believes that sex should be reserved for someone you love and who loves you back. Apparently, no one loved me when I was a teenager. Now you understand why I went to jail multiple times.


5. Bastard

I was born out of wedlock, which makes me a contender for People Magazine's yearly "World's Sexiest Bastards" competition.


6. God

I don't believe in God, but at the same time, I'm not going to do anything to piss him (or her) off. You know, just in case he (or she) does exist.

However, I do believe in Karma. She is a stripper at the Pink Pony.


I hope you are happy Katie. And since I guess I'm required to pass this on, I'm going to tag my cousin Mary, because she loves these things (it's scary really).