Seriously.
I rode 1/3 mile on my bicycle today, and I almost died.
1/3 of a mile.
I didn't even get out of the neighborhood before my thighs started burning like a mofo and I had an asthma attack. Thankfully, an elderly couple, who happened to be returning home from their five mile jog, were able to resuscitate me after I passed out in their yard.
I realize I'm out of shape; after all, that is why I bought the bicycle in the first place. But I didn't realize how truly out of shape I really am.
When I was 14, I rode my bicycle all day. I rode it to school, from school, and everywhere after school. My best friend, Ryan Pierce, and I would ride our bicycles until the sun went down. We easily tracked 10 to 20 miles everyday, without a sweat. Now I can't even leave the cul-de-sac without almost dying.
I've finally realized what I must do. First, I have to become famous (it can't be that hard, right?) Then, I have to really let myself let go. Like Orson Wells kind of let go (was that hack?).
That way I can get on one of those celebrity fat camp shows and just ride the gravy train to the bank (literally). As degrading as it might be, at least it is more honorable than ending up on "Celebrity Rehab."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I always enjoy reading your blogs.. This one was particularly hilarious because I think it's true for all of us that still think we can ride our bike to the lion's field and back without breaking a sweat (which I found out recently that I can't, yea getting old sucks!). haha Keep up the good work!
Oh my goodness! I'm glad someone was there to help you. The world wouldn't be the same..
Tiffany O - Thanks for the support. If you ever want to go for a bike ride, let me know. We can spot each other.
Terri - I know, the use of inappropriate words would decrease.
Post a Comment