MySpace Can Read Your Mind

Have you ever noticed how MySpace ads seem to target you with the utmost accuracy? Now, some might argue that MySpace runs on some complicated algorithm, which allows them to target you with user specific ads, but I say nay nay. Math is based on logic, and there is nothing logical about MySpace. Case in point, why would a 15 year old girl post risque photos of herself if she thought about it first? MySpace ads hit way too close to home, and the only logical explanation is that MySpace can read your mind. To demonstrate my argument, I am going to share some ads that were aimed at me.

MySpace knows my insecurities:

See if you can spot the ad in this following screen shot:


How does MySpace know my insecurities about my discolored teeth? I never mention anything about my teeth on my profile, and while my photo is a classic example of my unwillingness to smile with my teeth showing, I doubt MySpace can psychoanalyze photos (sorry Sigmund). MySpace obviously reads my mind and understands the things I resent, and it has decided to profit from that knowledge. Shame on you MySpace, shame on you.


MySpace knows I'm a pervert:

I think it is safe to assume that every guy gets the following type of ad:

But how does MySpace know about my infatuation with Hispanic looking woman in green dresses? I never told my priest about it during Confession (trust me, this is one sin worth going to hell for). Still need proof? Check out their Google ads:

Damn! MySpace knows me so well. Not only do they hone in on my love for "Latina Singles", but with the last ad they target my love for misleading tag lines! I suppose some would argue that MySpace tracks my browser "cookies" (I prefer chocolate chip), and it knows that five minutes earlier I was looking up "Latina Women" on YouPorn.com, but that is a mere coincidence. Besides, I have yet to see an ad for bestiality porn.

MySpace is a jerk:

To further prove that MySpace reads my mind, here is an example of it making a judgment about me:


Thanks a lot MySpace; you sure know how to make a guy feel special. However, if you are one of those people who actually click on ads like this, then the answer to the question is pretty much self-explanatory.

Further more, MySpace knows my obsession with nailing things - just ask my girlfriend (sorry, really, I am sorry for that one, but I could not resist, and now I'm going to be put on "timeout" for two weeks).

The best thing about the ad above: it requires a subscription! Usually they will offer something like a free iPod or Xbox, and if you have ever taken part in one of these scams, you know that it is impossible to "win" the free prize. First, you have to sign up for 3 credit cards, give up your first born, and join a cult in Utah. Then, you have to prove your participation by purchasing something, making a human sacrifice, and abstaining from caffeine. But, back to the point.

I think my argument proves that MySpace can clearly read your mind. It also reads your e-mail/journal, listens to your phone calls, watches you in the shower/going to the bathroom, and can predict your future.

By the way, MySpace is controlled by the same person who owns the FOX Empire (Fox News, 20th Century Fox, Matt Groening), The Dow Jones, and newspapers such as The Wall Street journal, The New York Post, and The Sun.

What could possibly go wrong?