The Trouble With Words: Cocksucker

I find it funny that, depending on the context, one word can have two different meanings. For example, the meaning of “cocksucker," certainly one of the finest words in the English language, relies solely on the context of the situation. Like everything in life, it falls back to a difference between the sexes. When referring to a woman as a cocksucker, the word often carries a positive meaning. Such as, “Damn, Sally Jean is the best cocksucker in all of Topeka.” Of course, while most women fall into the category of cocksucker at one point in their lives, not all remain there. No, some become married, and instead of sucking your dick, they slowly suck away at your soul. But I digress…

Now, if you call a guy a cocksucker, it has a totally different meaning. Yes, it refers to the same action, but a guy sucking cock is deemed inappropriate by some, gross by others, and sinful to the really crazy ones. Also, to call another guy a cocksucker essentially aligns him with women, and thus a lower form of species. Now, I don’t want to get too deep, but I do have a point here: why even have negative forms of cocksucker? I really think men are putting off the wrong message.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not craving any sausage, but I really think we need to consider the message we are portraying to women. By calling a guy a cocksucker in a negative way, we are actually negating the action of sucking cock. Essentially, we are saying, “No way dude, that sounds gross.” But at the same time, we are trying to convince the ladies to do it, “Oh come on baby, just lick it once. Go ahead and swallow, it contains protein.” Of course, this is why we come up with crazy excuses like “it will make your skin glow” in the first place. Because we assume it must suck to give a BJ, we feel the need to convince women into doing it. However, if we get rid of all negative forms of the word, we might also rid ourselves of the need to come up with these horrible excuses.

So, next time you want to degrade another guy, instead of calling him a cocksucker, call him something you would never want your woman to do. That is why I’m going to refer to every douche bag out there as a “nipple twister” instead. Because, as much as I like some roughness in the bedroom, I still suffer from the trauma I ensued from multiple games of “Tune in Tokyo.”